A resource for caregivers

It happens slowly. The isolation. The responsibility. Until one day you realize you've been so busy taking care of someone else that you forgot to take care of yourself.

The Caregiver's Trap is real. You're not alone in it. This site was built by someone who lived it for over two decades — and came out the other side.

Where are you right now?

I just got the call. Everything changed overnight.I'm deep in it. Every day is a grind and I'm running on empty.We're in a crisis right now — hospital, decisions, fear.We've found our footing. Life is almost normal but different.I can see the end coming. I need to be ready.It's over. I'm trying to figure out what comes next.

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Fight Back

The 45-Minute Argument

I have had dozens of tense interactions with physicians over the years. This one had an audience.

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Emotional Landscape

Throw the Damn Party

Easter weekend. A hundred and ten people. Don't save the good words for the eulogy — say them now.

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After

The Letter

Day 19. I asked ChatGPT to write me a letter from Lonna. What came back stopped me cold.

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Daily Grind

Elvis Has Left the Building

ICU delirium is common, terrifying, and temporary. Here's what it actually looks like.

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Fight Back

Brian, I'm Starting to Forget Things

A letter to my son — and a system to help when it's your turn. Build it before the fog rolls in.

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Daily Grind

It's All About the Poop

The first hand signal we worked out in the ICU was thumbs up. Thumbs up didn't mean I'm okay. Thumbs up meant I pooped.

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"I'm an engineer playing a doctor on the internet."

CaringBridge — March 2023

"I was never meant to control the outcome. Only to show up with everything I had."

Casey's journal — August 2025

"It was a privilege of a lifetime to take care of Lonna."

CaringBridge — July 2025

From the community

Deep in the grind

“You make me feel like I am there. Like someone finally understands what this actually looks like.”

After

“She had so much to complain about and yet I never heard her complain about anything.”

New normal

“Please include me on your available to help list.”

The Caregiver's Trap: A Roadmap for When the Caregiver Needs Care

The book is coming. Be the first to know.

“I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will.”
— Richard Bach, Illusions